Come Out Of The Closet, Dumbledore!
by BLAHBLAHXO
Summary: A one shot drabble attemp at humour. Dumbledore drops a naughty Sirius off at the Potters, and asked to borrow some clean clothes. He manages to lock himself in the closet, and when he gets out, many would wish he stayed in there, and are scared for life.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Erm, yeeeah! Don't ask what the bloody hell this is, I wasn't totally with it when I wrote this, and it seemed funny at the time... Although, now I look back on it, it doesn't seem that funny, but you may think diffrent, if you do, let us know.. and I'll write more like this... sorry, going on with my self. Sorry.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own any of the Harry Potter characters...**

"Lily, hun, Frank and I are going out. I'll see you later," James said, kissing his wife on the head. "Bye-bye, Harry, look after your mummy for me," James cooed, also kissing his son.

"See you later, James, have fun," Lily said, shifting Harry around on her knee.

"Will do. Oh, Alice – Frank said bye, and he loves you," James addressed Lily's friend, Alice.

"Oh, okay. Tell him Neville and I love him, too," Alice told James, looking at her son, Neville.

"Will do." And with that, James left.

Lily and Alice had been friends since the first year at Hogwarts. They had met on the train, each as scared as the other about what was going to happen. Now here they sat, both married to men they loved dearly and trusted with their lives– well, maybe not their lives.

"So Neville is about eight months now, isn't he?" Lily asked, looking at the little boy perched on her friend's knee.

"Yep. He's learning so fast; he's trying to move around now, and he's learning to sit up by himself," Alice chuckled. "Although I think he may have developed his dad's clumsiness. Just last night he blew the sofa up. He was sitting next to it, drinking, and it just blew up. Frank does that sometimes. He blew his own bed up the other night," Alice laughed.

_Flashback_

"_Hun, is Neville in bed?" Alice shouted from the living room, where she was attempting to fix the sofa Neville had blown up._

"_Yes, I think I might go bed as well. I've got to be up early in the morning," Frank told his wife._

"_Okay. Night night, love you both." Alice walked into the room and kissed them both. She watched as Frank climbed into bed and closed his eyes, waiting until his breathing became slower and even before leaving. As she walked past her son's crib, she kissed his head lightly, then left the room. She managed to fix the sofa and had just sat down when she heard a crash and a yell, which made Neville start to cry._

"_Frank! Frank? What happened?" Alice screamed, fearing the worst as she ran into the bedroom. When she got there she saw the last thing she would have expected: her husband sprawled out on the floor, with the bed around him – in pieces._

"_Bed went bang," Frank said lamely. _

"_I gathered that much," Alice responded. She cleared up the bed with a wave of her wand and conjured a new one._

"_I dreamt that the bed blew up, then I heard a bang and landed on the floor," Frank explained, as he watched his wife sort out his bed._

"_You and Neville are going to be the death of me," Alice tutted. "But I wouldn't have it any other way," she laughed._

_End Of Flashback_

"Aw, Harry is learning quite fast as well. He can sit up by himself for a few seconds now, and he's learnt how to catch his toy Snitch. I swear, if he's Quidditch-obsessed like his father I'm leaving. I can't stand any more talk about Quidditch," Lily stressed.

Before Alice could say anything, the doorbell rang.

"Can you just watch Harry for me?" Lily asked, laying Harry down on the sofa next to Alice.

"Sure,"Alice said, ticking Harry's feet.

Lily smiled as her son gurgled and walked off to answer the door. When she did she saw Dumbledore, mud all over his robes and with a distinctly unamused expression, holding Sirius by the ear.

"What has he done this time?" Lily asked. Sirius was always being brought home by someone, be it the police or an Auror.

"He set off Dungbombs in Hogwarts. Again!" Dumbledore said, tugging hard on Sirius's ear.

"Stupid, deranged old man," Sirius muttered, wincing in pain.

"Sirius Orion Black! You apologize to Albus right now!" Lily scolded.

"Sorry – sir," Sirius mumbled.

"Lily, would you mind if I borrowed some robes? Mine are covered in mud," Albus said, looking pointedly at Sirius.

"Sure, Albus, I'm sure James won't mind loaning you some," Lily said, staring at Sirius.

"Thank you, my dear," Albus said, and he swept off into the bedroom.

"Now," Lily snapped, turning to Sirius, who flinched. "You just wait until Remus gets here, young man," Lily threatened him.

"No, please, don't tell Moony," Sirius begged.

"Where did you set off the Dungbomb?" Lily asked, her hands on her hips.

"Library," Sirius muttered, looking down at the floor.

"Right, that does it," Lily said, walking to the fireplace. Throwing some green powder in, she shouted, "Remus Lupin!" A second later Lupin stood before her.

He took one look at Sirius and said, "What's he done now?"

"Set off a Dungbomb in the Library," Lily said, glaring at Sirius.

"Again? When will you lea–" Remus was cut off by a scream.

"Albus? What's the matter?" Lily shouted.

"I'm stuck in the closet," came the muffled reply.

"Dumbledore, come out of the closet," Remus shouted.

"What? How did you know? No one was meant to know. It was only a fling. I don't love him any more! And even when I did, he didn't love me back. It was a long time ago. He's dead – dead, _dead_, you hear?" Albus shouted, panic in his voice.

"Erm, what?" Remus said, puzzled at this odd response.

"Erm, nothing. Didn't say a thing, it wasn't me. Oh, it must have been Harry – yes, that's right, Harry said his first sentence. Or was it Neville?" Dumbledore stammered, turning red – although no one could see this because he was still in the closet.

"I meant, walk out of the closet and back into Lily's room," Remus shouted, holding back his laughter.

"Ohh...yeah, I knew that," Dumbledore replied, making Remus laugh even more. When Albus finally walked back into the living room, no one expected to see him wearing Lily's short skirt and a revealing top.

"What the _hell_, dude? I'm blind! Argh! I didn't want to see that! I'm mentally scarred. I can never see again. It's got to be my worst nightmare...it _isn't_ a nightmare? Arrrrrgh!" Sirius ran around the room shrieking like a girl and covering his eyes.

"That's weird, we usually have to pry Sirius off anything wearing a skirt. I swear, last week Padfoot was staring at a Muggle Barbie doll and drooling," Remus told Lily as he watched Sirius.

Sirius abruptly stopped running and said, "Who can blame me? She was hot! I mean, look at her. She's skinny and has really long blonde hair, perfect eyes..." Sirius said, beginning to drool again.

"Sirius! Enough. Albus, please take my clothes off," Lily said in a commanding tone.

"No, I don't believe I will. They're raver comfy. Although this thong is riding up my –" Albus started.

"Whoa! Stop right there, mister!" Remus shouted, covering his ears.

"What?" Albus asked innocently, looking around.

"Oh nothing, except _you're wearing girl's clothes!_" Lily screamed. She'd lost it; never did she think she would see her old, grey Headmaster wearing her clothes.

James and Frank walked back in through the door, and they stopped and stared at Dumbledore.

"Is that Dumbledore's wife?" James asked uncertainly.

"No, it's _Albus_," Lily said, still not taking her eyes off Dumbledore.

"What the hell?" James said, and with that, he fainted.

**A/N: Soooorry! Don't kill me :hides behind sofa: Haha, you can't see me... or shoot me, because then, I'd be dead.. -cries- don't want to be dead. Er, just so you know, yes, I really did this, and am sad enough to admit it.**

**xx thank you for reading, I **_**do**_** love you all.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hello, I know this says it's a one shot - but, I got a review about updating, so I thought I might as well make it in to a drabble. I am so sorry if this isn't funny. It only took me about 40 mins to write, so yeah, it was a quick thing. Hope you enjoy it. Let me know if you want more. **

**Disclaimer: Don't own any Harry Potter Characters OR Narnia. Although, Christmas is coming up and if any of you would like to buy me the rights, I wouldn't object. :)**

Albus Dumbledore was sat in his office, going over the yearly paperwork that was, of necessity, generated in the running of a school the size of Hogwarts, when Minerva McGonagall stumbled in through the door.

"Evening, Minerva. What can I do for you today?" Albus asked in his calm, collected voice.

"It's Miss Granger! She told some of the students about a Muggle film called Narnia! Everyone is climbing into wardrobes and claiming to have met the White Witch!" McGonagall said rather quickly. Albus couldn't help it; he chuckled, but stopped abruptly when he saw the stern look on McGonagall's face.

"Don't just sit there chuckling," she scolded, "we have to do something! All the Pureblood and most of the halfblood students are sitting in various wardrobes around the school."

"There is nothing we can do, Minerva. We'll just have to wait for them to see that Narnia isn't a real place, and that no matter how magical Hogwarts is, the wardrobes won't transport them to a place where winter is the only season." Albus's eyes twinkled and he smiled at the Transfiguration teacher.

"Fine, but it won't work. Severus has been sitting in a wardrobe for two days now and is still claiming that 'The Wardrobe is still traveling, 'coz Narnia is very far away. We can't get him out! He refuses. Who will teach the Potions classes?" McGonagall asked, worry evident in her voice.

"Severus? Oh, I always knew the double-double-double-double spy work would catch up with him in the end. I told him it would only be a matter of time before he was sitting in some dark, closed off, little space, claiming that he's going to some magical world," Dumbledore said casually.

"What? You mean to say you aren't fazed by this in the slightest?" McGonagall asked, a confused expression on her face.

"No, my dear, it will all work out. But in the mean time, might I ask where Miss Granger is?" Albus inquired, feeling like he already knew the answer to that question.

"Well, when I left her she was trying to lure Mr Weasley out of one of the larger wardrobes with food. It wasn't working too well," Minerva explained, rolling her eyes.

"Very well. If you'll excuse me, my dear, I have quite a lot of paperwork to look at– not to mention, an old man like me needs his sleep," Dumbledore said, faking a yawn.

Minerva took this as her cue to leave. She bid the old Headmaster goodnight and walked out the door. She stood just outside the door and began to count: "One, two, three, four..."

Inside the office Dumbledore jumped up from his seat, looked around, and dived, ninja-style, at his wardrobe. Before he opened the door, he looked around again and smirked to himself. He wrenched the door open, looked inside, and shut it again, then rolled back to his chair. Minerva came back into the room with a knowing smirk on her face which instantly faded when she saw Albus still sitting in his chair where she had left him.

"I forgot – erm, I forgot to say – erm, goodnight. Yes, that was it, I forgot to say goodnight! Goodnight, Albus," McGonagall said, stuttering slightly, before practically running out the door. Dumbledore smiled and his eyes twinkled. He ran back over to his wardrobe, pulled it open, and ran inside. He shut the door and sat down underneath his colourful robes and accessories. Outside the office, Minerva pulled open the door, stalked inside, walked over to the wardrobe and shouted, "Albus Dumbledore, get out of the closet this instant!"

Dumbledore's eyes widened and he shouted back, "Minnie! You promised you'd never tell anyone that – and how many times do I have to say it? He didn't love me back! It was just a schoolboy crush, I don't love him any more! And even if I did, it wouldn't matter – he is dead! Dead, dead, DEAD!" Albus shouted from his "hiding" place.

"Albus! Stop this nonsense at once! I meant, step out of the _wardrobe_. You are not going to Narnia tonight, nor any other night," McGonagall practically growled.

"Fine," Albus sighed. "I'll come out, spoilsport." And with that, Albus Dumbledore finally came out of the closet!

**A/N #2: Sorry, I couldn't resist ending it like that! **


End file.
